Yes, I am disappointed. I was hoping to know something more today. The truth is still what it is, nothing has actually changed. But we don't know what that truth is yet. That is all that is different. We were going to know today, and now that won’t happen.
This was going to be the day. But now it's not the day. Dr. B's nurse called yesterday, the pathology is not done yet so there is not point in seeing him tomorrow. She rescheduled the appointment for next Tuesday, but asked me to call on Friday to check and see if the results are in, so next Tuesday is not really a firm date and time either. Not today. Next Tuesday. Maybe.
So. Where does that leave me? A bit more time in pause/stall. A bit of extra work to do to. I need to call Dr. P's nurse this morning to see if I can reschedule him for next week too. Probably not on the same day, but that's okay with me if it's okay with them. Sigh.
I was hoping to know today. I was hoping to head out to Camp Comfort on Friday with my husband spend the weekend there, and then maybe get left there for the following week on my own and have my husband come and pick me up the next weekend. I was planning for it as a mini holiday for me. But that's not happening now. If T hasn't rented the cottage it can still be a weekend excursion. We could still go out on Friday and come back on Monday, or even Sunday. At least it would be a weekend away. Soon the Cottage will be rented most of the time and I will have missed the window.
Anyways. Such is life. I will deal with it as best I can.
Yes, I am disappointed. I was hoping to know something more today. The truth is still what it is, nothing has actually changed. But we don't know what that truth is yet. That is all that is different.
I had a moment of worry. Perhaps they found something and they need more time to talk about it? But no, the receptionist saw that it wasn't available on my file, it's just not available. Perhaps they found something 'inconclusive' again this time and had to recheck it? Maybe. But just as likely they have a backlog and it took longer. Just as likely that Dr. B took out a lot of tissue and it just takes longer to go through it all to make sure there are no live cancer cells, and if there are, to determine what they like to eat, how they like to grow, if they are the same as the ones from the biopsy or if they have mutated again. All of that takes time. Just the simple pathology on a large amount of tissue, looking for single cells. That takes time. So. No. I'm not going there. I’m not going to imagine what they are doing. I’m not going to worry. They had always thought that the pathology might not be ready on time, and had asked me to call several days ahead to be sure. So. This doesn't mean anything really. It was part of what was to be expected. And even the new time, she asked me call again on Friday. If it's not ready then, they'll postpone again. So. We just don't know. Nobody knows. The lab doesn't even know themselves. I suspect that really, mostly what all of this is going to tell us affects the radiation program, but probably not anything else. The rest will go on as normal. I don't know. I'm only guessing. It's hard not to know.
But. Today is a beautiful day. It's going to be sunny and 20 degrees. Room temperature. My kind of day. And today is mountain walk day on my schedule. Nice. I will take that walk, and I'm going to go for an extra loop today too. What the heck. I think I'm up there now and it will be nice to enjoy it longer too. That's the big project for this morning. And if I don't have to see Dr. P either then I'll have the whole day off. And I should enjoy it. And maybe even get a few things done. My bottle garden is getting sad looking. I should empty it out and clean it up, do the once every six months super clean of the whole system. I won't look at putting anything new in there for now. But I can do that clean up. My arm is probably okay to do it now.
That is a big reason why I haven't been getting into the housekeeping projects. My arm was still iffy. And I didn't want to get into anything, get keen and enthusiastic and forget, and over work that arm, and trigger lymphedema. I pretty much have the range of motion back. It's pretty much there. And I am gently working on the strength exercises now too, but strength wise it's not all the way back. Still working on that and a bit afraid to over do it.
Today. I've done my range of motion exercises, and eaten breakfast, taken my blood pressure pill and the vitamin D, 1,000 pill. Getting ready for a bath and get dressed. Mountain walk next. Trip to the post office.
And I did rebook my appointments. Dr. P will be on June 17th. You see how things back up now. On account of the pathology report. Deciding on whether I want to fill out the medical report myself and get Dr. B to do it earlier. Or perhaps Dr. M? Will June 17th be too late. The day of the disability payment is June 27th. If I did it on the 17th, and faxed it in right away I suspect it will be okay.
And maybe the weekend, and perhaps even a whole week at Camp Comfort might work out for me after all. If the pathology report is still to ready and the Tuesday appointment gets delayed again. And really, is there a big rush? There is a woman sitting in our support group with known cancer cells in her mastectomy scar, and they are waiting until she's ready for the reconstruction and they will just remove them then. So.
Yes, it would be nice for me to have a week off in the country if I can get it, even if I will have to be all alone for it. I'm strong enough. Be prepared a bit. Bring things to do. My grey sweater project, the granddaughter sweater. The new vest' project. Books to read. A writing project to work on. That would be good. Maybe it can still happen. Maybe something good can come from this delay.
Dispatched: June 5